Fathers and sons!

I’m not sure at what age that I became the scorn of my father, and the focus of how his life could have been different had he not had to marry my mother due to an unplanned pregnancy, me.  I do know that the first time I remember that being expendable was in grade 3 when coming home from school that all my meagre belongings were placed in garbage bags on the lawn beside my mother’s, and that we were being kicked out.  This scenario repeated itself over the years until I was about 15 years old when my mother left, and I stayed to take care of my two younger brothers.

I can’t tell you the first time that my Father lost his temper, where his punishment went from something I did and was responsible for, to just for being there, something that could be hit, as some hit inanimate objects to take out those frustrations.  I can tell you the hardest I was hit, was when I was 12 when the board that he found within reach was swung at my head, and I managed to get a hand up to deflect some of the force, the board broke, and I fell to my knees.  I don’t remember being knocked out as only most of my vision went blank, ears were tinging, everything around me seemed distant.  I could hear my mother screaming that he was going to kill me, and to stop.  The last time he tried hitting me was when I was 16, I was big enough to fight back, his abuse was only verbal after that point.

I can’t tell you how many times he put me down, made me feel useless, and that I’d never be anything.  I can tell you that I always tried hard to make him proud, I worked as hard as I could, and when I achieved personal successes, it always fell short of what he would have wanted.

I decided growing up to never turn out like my parents, that I would be responsible for my own actions, and that no matter how “useless” he continued to call me that I would make my own way, and never look back.  I also made the decision to protect my younger brothers from my parents, so that they wouldn’t have to feel the emotional pain or physical pain I did.  I couldn’t protect them from everything my parents seemed to dish out, and I’m sure they had their own share of issues to work out as young men, but I did everything I could do as their big brother.

There are only a few folks that I have ever shared my life growing up on the farm with, and the reasons that I ultimately made the decision to cut my parents completely out of my life.  I didn’t want my children to go through any of that drama and have done the utmost to be the best man that I can be for my wife and children.  By no way am I perfect, and remain a work in progress, but because of where I came from, I have a reference point that I can follow, so that I with thought don’t become my father, or fall into any of the traps of that upbringing.

I’ve had some great mentors over the years that have helped me along, I’ve lost a few along the way either by circumstance or passing with age.  I miss them but do my best to remember their lessons, and thankfully I still have a number that I can call on from time to time, and in this current role, their friendship is greatly appreciated.

I believe that the “bad things” that happen to us can either define who we are, or they can be used to make us into stronger people, and sometimes provide that motivation, the grit to drive us harder to achieve our goals.  I believe that drive can be channelled to prove wrong those who caused us harm, and the byproduct will be that we are better people and can be better parents to our kids than those that we were saddled with as parents ever were.

I felt compelled to share some of myself with you, with the hopes that this would make an impact for the better in your life. I’ve told my kids a little here and there over the years why we don’t necessarily have the depth of relatives around the Christmas tree as some of their friends do, and to give insight, and help by extension to some of their friends who may have tougher circumstances at home themselves.

Deeper than “dad talk”

Coming home late from session last week my Son who was studying for an exam came up to me and wanted to talk.  He was obviously upset, and out of sorts, I assumed it was going to be about school, test anxiety, or something of the like.  Kids working through the last couple of years curve balls when it comes to grades, working to get into universities, dealing with family issues, has not been an easy thing. It was one of those moments, but it was again related to one of his friends, she had overdosed and died that day.

What I thought to be a “standard dad talk” turned into a very in-depth conversation, covering several topics, of which was to uncover any items that I may have missed that were happening in my own family’s life, that I may have been too busy to see. I was relieved that there were not any issues there but was extremely saddened to hear about the young lady who was my son’s friend that had fallen into a tough time, had tried to commit suicide before, and had slid into the drug culture.  It further saddened me to hear that she had only recently been talking with my son that she was getting into a better frame of mind and was getting her life back on track. 

You are not alone!

I’d like everyone to take a bit of a pause if we could, to know that if you are going through a tough time to reach out to a friend or family member to let them know.  We all go through rough spots, no shame there, we all need a hand here and there, and just sometimes someone to talk too.  If it is more than that, please find below and in the website menu under New! Click2Call link, the numbers you can call.  If you are in a home where there is violence, or other forms of abuse, don’t hesitate to call these numbers or my office, so we can see what we can do to help. 

 Addiction Helpline 1-866-332-2322

Mental Health Helpline 1-877-303-2642

Abuse Helpline 1-855-4HELPAB

MLA Shane Getson Constituency Office 780-967-0760

You are not alone, you have the grit to make it through, and there are folks out there that want you to succeed, even though it may seem like there are only those who want you to fail.  Trust me, you can make like what you want, don’t let anyone or anything take that away from you.  Tough times will pass, only if you carry on, and if needed, be bold enough to make the needed changes.

 MLA Shane Getson

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Source: The Buffalo Tribune

Getson: Keystone has exposed our shortcomings as a nation—shortcomings that we can no longer afford